Tuesday, August 24, 2010

What a let down

When we first found out that "we" were pregnant we thought we would get great support from my wife's mom with our little one. We got kind of a weird response when we first told my in laws that they will be grandparents in a few month. Didn't really think anything about it back then...

The day came when the little one arrived in our world and my mother and father in law visited us at the hospital of course right away. We had quiet a few friends visiting that day (no swine flu problems then) and one of our friends said to my mother in law: "It's nice that these 2 have you close by (about 15 min. from door to door) to support and help them out." - My mother in laws response was, "Me? No! I'm working and I have to get up at 4 in the morning...". That should have given us a big enough clue!

She is 67 years old, works 5 days a week and should really slow down a little and, "smell the roses". And what is with those other 2 days she is off, or the afternoons, or just make time for your family, or your GRANDCHILD!?

The next day after the birth, still in the hospital of course, my mother in law calls and wanted to know if we wanted to come over for Burgers and Fries! Really? What am I missing here? We are here with our newborn son, my wife is still in pain and she wants us to come to her house for dinner? What is wrong with this picture?
And this preceded even until now 14 month later...

The funny part in this is, that my father in law is all over the little guy when we see him (what is not really often)! He is not a people person and keeps to himself and we didn't think he would be connecting a lot with his grandson, but it's exactly the opposite.
It is so damn weird to us and it makes us angry at times. My wife tried to talk to her several times, but her mom gets offensive and doesn't see it.

We don't have any family here in the area. My wife's parents have their family's in Germany and Holland and my family, incl. my parents, are in Germany as well. So there is not much family here to support us and we were kind of thinking we would get at least a little bit of support.
She has never watched him in the last 14 months. Not even for 30 minutes. Never took him to the park, for a walk, or to the mall. Nothing, nada, zip, zero!!

The little guy has gotten only one present from them since he was born and that was for his birthday. That's if I don't count the diaper she got for Christmas. Wouldn't you be all over the little guy and just get him little things here and there when you go to the store? A cute bib, stuffed animal, onsie etc.? Things that, "I just had to get it." kind of stuff?
I really don't get it and it makes me angry and irritated! How can you not love our little Liam?

I could go on and on, but enough said and I think you get the picture! What do you think? Is there a book out there, Mother in Law for Dummies? Can anyone relate to this?

Mr. Mom
(Any misspelled words you may find, are yours to keep) ;-)


  1. I selfishly would say, "You don't need them. You are better off without them."

  2. You don't need them. You know if you ever need a break, call Dan and I, we'd be more than happy to accommodate another "Date Night" for you and Natalie! :)

  3. Maybe you should direct her to this blog. You never know, maybe reading about it will make something click in her head.

  4. Wow. It's hard to believe that she lives so close by and doesn't visit. But if then again if she was like this before you guys got pregnant then I wouldn't have expected much to change. I say move on and don't waste sleep on the situation.

    I never got the chance to get to know my grandparents and I turned out fine. I had plenty of older people from my church and family who stepped up to fill the void. And maybe you guys should seek out a good support system with your friends. I came across a quote the other day that said "Friends are the family members you get to choose."

    So build the family you're missing and enjoy all the amazing moments you have with your son now.

  5. OH. MAH. GAWD do I ever totally get your frustration. My in-laws are rarely (at best) around. From January to May they are in Florida. From May to October they are up north. When they are home they 1. Never call 2. Never visit 3. Complain if we visit 4. Can't understand why our son treats them like strangers

    My son turned two and we had invited them to the BBQ and instead of telling us to our face that they were going to be up north (remind you 2.5 hours away) and they weren't coming...via FACEBOOK. They didn't call on his birthday. They didn't send a gift. The best part is they came home this week for 2 days to pick up a new lawn tractor. They could come home for a tractor but not for their grandson?! Then THEN they invited us over for dinner to give our son his gift. It was basically saying "Can you drop your plans to visit us at OUR CONVENIENCE?" So facken irritating.

    It's their loss.

    PS. If you find that book, send it my way ;)

  6. That doesn't make much sense to me at all. I know everyone is a little different when it comes to family dynamics, grandkids, etc. - but 1 present in a year? Only for his birthday? Unless of course money is really tight for them... But it is normal for grandparents to slather their grandchildren with gifts when they are born, on their bdays, Christmas, and other random times. I am sorry that you don't get more family support, but you are doing a fabulous job! =)

  7. I am so sorry. I am no stranger to crappy in laws (or maybe just the one), it's bad when your spouse even agrees! You'll just have to love him extra to make up for it! :-)

  8. At the end of the day she's really doing him a favor, sparing him being around a jerk (her)! Ok, that's my short snippy comment because I'm at work and have to make it fast! But I am truly sorry that Liam got stuck with a lame duck of a grandma. You are completely justified to be irritated, annoyed, and even angry! She needs to wake up and see the sweet lil guy she is missing out on!

  9. Thank you all for your comments! We will see what we are doing in the future. We tried to "wake her up" once again, but nothing changed of course. I guess we just have to move on. Easier said than done, but we will try! Thanks again! :-)